I’m supposed to be packing… August 20, 2008

Packing is just not FUN!!!! I need to get rid of a ton of stuff, but it’s alot easier to jump on the blog and say “I HAVE to write” so that I can delay packing.. Maybe I need to pack more often. Anyways, I’m super psyched because I did a very Un-Alyssa thing tonight.. I splurged on a new iPhone!!

Whee!

I’m sick of my Samsung Sync dropping calls everyday that ends with a “y,” and I’m sick of the crappy texting that spells out “weejik” when I’m trying to write “wednesday.” I was first bitten, and now smitten, when I checked my e-mail in the middle of a cornfield in Illinois on my brother’s iPhone. When he showed me how to enlarge a picture on the screen by dragging your fingers, I was hooked. I waddled around the cell store for an hour looking at this and that, and the bottom line was, for $55 a month I could get a palm centro with SOME of the same features, but for an extra 10 smackaroos, I could have the fancy, shiny, ultra-cool techgasm device that is the iPhone. Plus, this is good because I’m finally joining the 21st century - I will HAVE AN I-POD. I’ve been a faithful Zen Micro user for many years, but sadly, the micro is waning in terms of sound quality and battery life. I was going to ask for an iPod for Christmas anyways, so this kills two birds with one stone. AND, I like the idea of GPS but knew I would never get one for my car, so here’s a portable GPS, all for the handy monthly cost of a cell phone. So good times. My iPhone is on its way to me from China as we speak, and next week I’ll get a call from the store and I can go pick it up. I will no doubt spend an evening that I should be unpacking fiddling with twitterific and youtube. Fabulous!!! I know many of you are iPhone fanatics - any complaints or is it all love?

Bigfoot… REAL or HOAX? August 18, 2008

I have to admit, I was really excited when news started spreading last week that people in Georgia had found an actual sasquatch corpse. I knew it was likely going to be a fake, but the thought of something so mystical and elusive actually being REAL was really exciting. Can you imagine a land where Bigfoot did destroy your campsite, like a bigger, more terrifying bear? Or how about sparkling unicorns landing in your driveway? Would you like to see curvaceous mermaids frolicking in the surf, or would you prefer chubby gnomes toddling around the forest? Recent reports have made it seem like this recent Bigfoot discovery is going to be a sham, and that’s sad. 96% human DNA and 4% opossum just sounds like the result of a typical deep South tryst, so I’m not surprised. As for this body, what do you think? It looks like a sun bleached Halloween costume, so until we get better evidence, I’m not buying it. I have to say that I’m a little bit like the kid at Christmas who accidentally sees dad heaping presents under the tree instead of Santa. Why can’t we find a Bigfoot? Does he really just not exist, or is he really so mysterious and intelligent that he knows better to keep out of the big, complicated mess of humanity? I also was skeptical that Bigfoot would be found in the South. Bigfoot is a ferocious, hippy-eating cross hybrid of ape and man who roams the Pacific North West- not a taller version of an inbred hillbilly. Georgia is not his home, and while I have love for Georgia and their sweet peaches, I don’t think that it’s Bigfoot’s STOMPING grounds. (*chuckle*)

Do you believe in the Sasquatch?

As for my absentee blogging, I need to make a vow to make it better. I’ve gotten wrapped up in the somewhat monotonous but financially rewarding schedule of a full-time job, and I’m moving and packing and traveling on top of everything else. I sweaaaaar (ex-girlscout’s honor?) that I’ll try to blog AT LEAST once a week, hopefully more like 2 or 3 times. If you start e-mailing me complaining, it will be extra incentive. But tell me what you think about Bigfoot, because I am curious what you think!

Absent August 15, 2008

I am a bad blogger… I haven’t written in so long!! And unfortunately, I can’t update now, but will HAVE TO write something upon my return from Northern California. I’ve been busy packing, house hunting, kitty hunting, bill paying, weight watching, instruction manual writing, and sleeping!! In my absence, check out www.passiveaggressivenotes.com or www.slickdeals.net . Cheers!!

Midwest Musings August 7, 2008

I’m back, a tiny bit jet lagged, still trying to catch up and get back into the full-time routine, so this will be a short one while I work on a longer post about air travel (as previously promised in June! ha!) Here are some concise bullet points about what makes the Midwest extremely different from California:

• People are fatter. It’s just a fact. I am not a fat hater, as I am a fellow fluffy friend, but I definitely felt more at home among the jiggly masses of Minnesota/Illinois than I do at home.
• People are fatter because a midwestern SALAD is anything but a salad with LETTUCE. A midwestern salad is laden with mayonnaise, sour cream, eggs, etc. There are also 8 million different types of salad - POTATO SALAD, TUNA SALAD, BEAN SALAD, TACO SALAD, EGG SALAD, PASTA SALAD, FRUIT SALAD… I could go on for days.
• Humidity sucks, because your face gets oilier but your mouth gets drier.
• Illinois and Minnesota are HOT in August. Very hot.
• Mosquitoes are not extinct. Althought I cohabitate with 78 different species of insects at any given time, I’m fortune to not be bothered by mosquitoes in Southern California. I currently have a total of 13 welts on my body, most of which have been scratched raw in feeble attempts to stop the itch.
• People are friendly in the Midwest. They tell you thank you, have a nice day, good bye, and you’re welcome. People in LA are usually not friendly. That’s a fact.
• Acres and acres and acres of corn make for a very spooky night time driving backdrop, but the random glow of fireflies makes it less creepy.
• There is nothing like spending a day on a boat on a dirty river, surrounded by friends and family. This is how I know that the Midwest will always be my true “home,” the place where I was conceived and came out screaming nine months later. I even bought a t-shirt that says “made in Illinois.”
• One more - People smoke much, much, much, much more in Illinois. Made me glad I live in the pristine air of Snooty Southern Smoggy California!

As promised, more coming later. I will try not to lag so much on blogging! Have a great weekend!

Kids are the devil July 28, 2008

 

Today while I was waiting to have dinner with a friend, I cruised through the mall. Normally, the mall makes me kind of happy, as I’m surrounded by shiny lights and sales and the semi-disgusting smell of stale pretzels, but today, I was feeling hugely anti-social and venomous to the masses of mall-goers. As usual, the mall was filled with every type of person – the frazzled young moms chasing annoying children, the teenaged lovers chewing each other’s bubble gum, the creaky old men wobbling across the food court. As I was my navigating my way to the bathroom, a swarm of young children tangled around my feet, shrieking as they played tag. I recognize that they’re kids and don’t really care what’s going on around them, but there were masses of people trying to balance shopping bags and bath tub-sized soft drinks. Add a sun burnt, full-handed Alyssa, and you have a recipe for disaster. After these wild kids leaped in front of me the first time, I let it go, but when they did it again, and then again, I was having the urge to kick in their yellow little teeth and ask if their parents taught them any manners. This is my defense when my mom coos about how she can’t wait for little blonde grand babies – I’m certainly not ready to have children if I have murderous feelings towards their very existence. I’m just not into the sticky hands or the patter of little feet – More often than not, I want to punt small children into the air, or shut ‘em up with a large piece of duct tape. Will the day come when I go “Aww! I love kids!” or will I always consider them just a miniature, more annoying form of human? Maybe I don’t have that maternal instinct that women brag about. I definitely want kids one day, but will this hateful phase pass? Will I trade in my irritation for a mini van?

I scream, You scream… July 24, 2008

This whole healthy eating thing is harder than it seems. I’ll do great for a few days, diligently buying celery, cucumbers and carrots by the truck load, but am then completely sideswiped by the majestic and mysterious lure of a Lil Debbies Oatmeal Cookie or cookie dough ice cream. As somebody who’s always derived happiness from food, it’s hard to keep my grubby lil mitts off anything that’s not nailed down. That is why I am going to make a solemn promise to try not to grocery shop anymore when I’m hungry. After work I went to Trader Joes, and as my stomach was rumbling, the chocolate-chip dunkers called to me from the shelf. I resisted their wiles but was then seduced by miniature cheesecake bites. I turned away from those and hightailed it to the snacks aisle, where I was assaulted by a heaping display of kettle corn. I finally made it through that aisle and escaped with a reasonable and respectable basket filled with frozen rice, cucumbers, gnocchi, cheese and turkey breast.

I don’t understand the mentality behind cravings - It’s not a physical NEED, but more like the whiny voice in my head that reasons by way of stupid persuaders, like my most recent favorite - “You’re working full-time! you DESERVE this!” More often than not, I give in to these irritating urges, but I need to start resisting because those once-loose jeans are starting to hug me a little closer than I’d like. Add to this an impending trip to Chicago, (NEXT WEEK! YEAH!), and it’s clear that the next few days of my existence are going to be like death by Vienna beef hot dogs and well-meaning aunts who plop another spoonful of potato salad on your plate to “get rid of the extras.”

I really wish I had just been naturally born a skinny person, but the colorful treasure chest of my heritage favors large, plump bodies with rosy red cheeks and a well-fed chin. Add to this an insane love of food and you’ll get a lifelong battle with food! What’s been your food fixation lately, or do you even have one?? I’ll fess up - for me it’s been ice cream. I would bathe in it if I could, and it’s really hard for me not to fill up the cart with flavor after flavor. I can envision long nights toddling to the freezer, digging out hunks of cookie dough with a spoon.. and then to get my ass away from the freezer, I have to envision a future without obesity or the possibility of diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke or cardiac arrest. What a buzz kill that is!!! ;o)

PS: I know my blogs have not been as “good” lately, but I’ll try to get more regular and make them a little more endearing. Problem is, the idea mill starts closing down around 5:00 pm, which is conveniently when I get off of work. I’ll have to figure out a way to make my brain work overtime. In the meantime, I’ll be back soon. Have a joyous Thursday.

Mysterious Maggots July 21, 2008

I’m cursing my apartment once again - WHY, WHY, WHYYYYYYY do I always experience bizarre and disgusting infestations?! I’m not a pig - It’s not like there are rotting bagels under my bed or mountains of dirty laundry. Stink lines don’t emanate from the roof, and I sweep often. Occasionally I’ll leave a few dishes in the sink, but it’s not like I live in a cave strewn with chicken bones and dust. So WHY were there MAGGOTS AGAIN by my front door?? I was innocently chopping carrots for a 17 bean soup when I saw something wriggling by the doormat. To my shock and horror, there they were AGAIN - putrid, centimeter long sacks of yellow flesh, squirming in masses by the rug. This is the THIRD time this has happened, and I’m stumped. Are they from flies that find their way in when the door is open? Is there something decaying in the floorboards? Do my shoes carry in maggot eggs? I freaked out and swept, sprayed, spritzed and swiffered and removed them, and now I have that icky, crawly feeling all over my body.

I’m sorry to say this, but I’m happy that my lease has ended and I’m movin’ on come September 1. This guesthouse has been rockin in terms of privacy and convenience, but it was built by hand and used to be a garage, so it’s simply home to way too many other things. I’ve had to be roommate to spiders, earwigs, cockroaches, maggots, mice, beetles, aphids and a random blue jay - it’s time to move on. And I’ve been so good about spraying.. Surely you all remember the cockroach post - and this time I’m not so filled with anger, but disappointment. I am a clean person, but finding maggots makes me think I should stop bathing and move under a bridge. Pests imply filth, so in my mind, even though I am a fan of Lysol wipes and Windex, I feel like Pigpen.

Where are they coming from? Do you think they just come in under the front door? (The weather stripping is pretty much nonexistent…) Do you have any nasty pests that keep plaguing you with their visits?

*NOte: NEVER google image search “maggots.” I’m pretty resentful that I did.

All growed up July 15, 2008

Bam! 2008 all the way!

Today, something very special arrived in the mail - And no, it wasn’t another Easy-Mac sample or my million dollar check from Publisher’s Clearing House. It came in a flat envelope marked “DO NOT BEND”. It was my diploma!!! My $20,000 sheet of paper was wrapped in a sheath of brochures touting ridiculously overpriced frames.  At least it’s a nice piece of paper - It’s pretty heavy cardstock with two gold seals and four signatures. I even said “Good job, Alyssa!” and stood alone in my messy apartment, beaming with pride that I did, in fact, graduate.

This year has already been ripe with learning experiences - I managed a section of a daily newspaper, I earned a bachelor’s degree, I quit a long term job, walked out of another, found a great new one, lost weight, gained weight, traveled to the Caribbean, and made new friends. I’m leaving out the smaller but still significant advances like being able to watch a movie without eating popcorn, but those count too!

My life is changing, and every day is a little bit different, and a little bit faster. When I was a little girl, I wanted to work at Sea World and stand on Shamu’s nose and be launched into the air in front of crowds of tourists. Then, I wanted to be a marine biologist and hunt shells on exotic islands. Next, I wanted to be a doctor, saving lives and wearing an ever-pristine lab coat. Now finally, I’m intrigued that I graduated with a degree in Journalism - Nowhere near oceanic adventures or real life emergency room drama - But I’m happy with it, and happy with my first job, and happy with the direction my life is heading.

The next step is to start investigating grad schools so that I can eventually teach part-time and support myself freelancing, but I’m not in a huge rush. What’s your next step?

Sour Sleep July 13, 2008

My room, when it's clean. See how much light comes in??

So here I am - 9:08 on a Saturday morning, unable to sleep a minute longer. That sucks. I remember when I was a teenager, I had marathon sleep sessions, and could easily sleep until 1:00 or even 2. But now, because I wake up at 7 AM M-F for work, I’m physically unable to make it past 8:43 on a weekend. I even crawled out of bed at 7:08 this morning and was sadly, pretty awake, but I forced myself back to bed, which was a bad choice because I had a dream about going back to work at my former job. Needless to say, that stressed me out quite a bit, so I woke up all “bah” feeling and ate some cookies and milk. I feel better now.

I can’t even make it past 11 anymore on work nights, and I think last night I conked out at about midnight. Poor Matt was left awake watching Bowling for Columbine on you-tube. But, he gets his sleep, cuz as we speak he’s blissfully breathing away swaddled in the blankets, while I try not to hammer the keyboard too much. (That’s one certain joy of studio living - there is NO separation of noise and sound)

So the agenda today is to go to an art show downtown, maybe take a nap, and then just chill. My weekend time is at a premium now - maybe tomorrow I’ll go to the fleamarket, and then I have a friend’s potluck. I also haven’t been feeling 100% this week - I’m betting a fair amount of it is transitional stress, but it’s been so fucking hot too that dizziness is a norm. Whoops, I dropped an “F Bomb.” My efforts to keep this blog PG are not going to be met - (And the rebellious side of me says, why the hell should it be?) but that’s ok. Ooh, I just sneezed. Allright, before this blog morphs into a longwinded serenade about teeth grinding or annoying birds outside my window, I better get on with it. Go live my life. Enjoy my weekend, paint the town. You know, that sort of thing.

workin woman July 8, 2008

Rescue Pet (I have one on top of my cube)

I started my new copywriting job today, and I can already tell that it’s going to be much more fulfilling then my previous accounting job. At our orientation, I met some other new people and I told them how strange it was to be at a place where benefits and paid time off were offered - So in that way, it’s going to be a nice transition from part-time. On the other hand, being at work at 8:00 is going to be kind of difficult, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. Maybe I’ll even turn into a coffee drinker. In addition to sweet medical, dental, vision, 401k, paid time off, paid sick time, free toy allowance and bonus plan, I get free life insurance insuring my beneficiary my yearly salary in the event of my untimely death. Exciting!! Plus, the other copywriter is awesome and all of my peers/managers seem friendly.

Another cool perk was the large mountain of toys waiting by my cubicle that I got to dig through and pick out what I wanted to use to decorate. I’ve got a “mermaid grotto” seashell playhouse, a rescue pet and a bunch of spiderman cars on top of my cubicle (Which is in the back, by a window. wheeee). So this transition to full-time will be interesting, but well-received. Time to buckle down and start paying off my debt and saving for a posh retirement (riiiight). I’ll blog when I can!! For now, I’m going to savor my time not spent at work, and finish watching “Locked Up Abroad” and drink koolaid. Adios!